if you really knew me.

so, on a website that i have not visited in a while, i found a new section, called "if you really knew me." i felt somewhat inspired, so here is my own version.

If You Really Knew Me, You'd Know That...

• i will avoid talking on the phone if there is any other way to communicate
• i am very afraid of growing up and dealing with all the things a grown-up must think about, even though i try to act as mature as possible
• i want to make a difference in the world
• i desire to be a mother more than anything else in this world
• i do not want you to give up on me, even if i say i do
• not knowing about next year really does bother me
• i want to know and be known desperately
• my job drives me crazy
• swing dancing is my passion, but sometimes i feel like i am too passionate about it
• all i need is a smile, a hug, a pleasant remark, and it can change my whole day
• other people intrigue me, and i wish i could make a job out of loving people, sharing their lives during the good and the bad times; i think this is a small part in my desire to go into counseling, apart from my past
• i am not out of the woods yet, and i do not know if i will ever be, this side of heaven, but while there are hard moments i can see the Lord redeeming and sustaining me

the love of God is the hymn of hope

as always, yesterday's service at redeemer really spoke to me. one of the first songs we sang was "isaiah 43" and during the chorus, the congregation splits, and the men sing "I am the Lord" and the women sing "Do not fear" several times. i had never heard this song, but when we came to that part, i was so struck, i just listened to the sound of God's people singing....it was overwhelming, just hearing "I am the Lord...Do not fear....I am the Lord...Do not fear...I am the Lord." it felt like such a reminder that God IS God, and He is in control of whatever lies ahead. i also liked another part of the song "for I have redeemed you, I have called you by name, you are Mine." WOW. and then we sang one of my favorite hymns ever, "it is well with my soul." afterwards, we read psalm 63...here is a portion of it:

"O God, You are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and wearly land where there is no water...because You are my help, i sing in the shadow of Your wings. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me."

and then the sermon. toby spoke on the Lord's Supper, using 1st Corinthians 10:14-17. some of the points that hit me:

• verse 14 is a COMMAND, not a suggestion.
• idolatry: where you go for security/comfort/when you are grumpy; to where does your heart run?
• idols are well worn paths; the old way of doing things cannot be the new way of doing things; you cannot come to the Table if your attitude is "Tomorrow will be the same as yesterday"
• if i am one of His, i AM changing, it just may be at the rate of a tree
• the picture of Jesus saying "this is My body, poured out for promise breakers like you" to peter (and all Christians)
• there is a bitter sweetness to the Table
• i can not possibly be more secure than i am-if security is what i long for, Christ offers it; i just have to receive the gift

i have never really thought about the Lord's Supper; i just have accepted it at face value, and that has been it. but the sermon made me think a lot about what it truly means...how it is a participation in the Body, and how it is Jesus saying "This is my body and blood, broken for you, by you."

dang.